Pleased to Make Your Acquaintance
Our Dear Mr. and Mrs. So & So,
First, regarding the salutation, American propriety forces us to say “Our Dear…” rather than the formal English, which reads simply, “Dear…” It’s a subtle but clear reminder that we are bigger and better in all matters than our Old World counterpart. At least that’s what we recall.
Our societal knowledge is a little rusty, which brings us to our true purpose in writing. Unfortunately, we seem to have found ourselves in the prickly position of what we’ll call the unlanded gentry. We require assistance in breaking back into the world we knew, free from the pains of manual labor and all their associated unpleasantries. For guidance, we’ve turned to the undisputed last word in social graces, Mrs. Emily Post’s Etiquette in Society, In Business, In Politics and at Home. Of course, we want others of similar ambitions to join in our efforts, but it’s rather gauche to discuss things of this nature with such callousness. Then again, those born into the upper crust will recognize all of our movements as inherently beneath, so why not expose the insurmountable status of our birth by allowing all to participate first hand in our social climb. We’ll be reading, dissecting and implementing Mrs. Post’s book one lesson at a time. We’ve yet to crack open its pages, so we’ve no doubt committed a flurry of social faux-pas already. Soon, we will know better, and you’ll be spared embarrassment when you employ our lessons to your own life. For now, please excuse our crudeness.
Until We Meet Again,
Peter and Alexander of The House of Spalding, The Fourth Generation of Bankers and Merchants from Central Wisconsin’s Gold Coast of The Great Lakes Michigan and Winnebago the Lesser.